EP7 – What is True Happiness? with Dani Fox

Today I had the honor and privilege of interviewing Dani Fox about the truth behind what happiness is and how we can obtain it in our everyday life. Dani is a Certified Clinical and Interpersonal Hypnotherapist, COO of the Institute of Interpersonal Hypnotherapy, and Lead Instructor/Location Director of the North Carolina Location.

That sensation is very viable. It communicates the subconscious either move away from this or towards this. And when you’re moving towards something else, you’re by definition moving away from something else. So it’s being present with your body, and really listening to what it’s saying to you in the moment, if you’re truly safe and satisfied, in this moment, the body will be at peace, it will be at rest. If it’s not in, you’re leaning towards a behavior to take action to either move away or towards something, the body will engage the felt sense to help you take the behavior. And to create another felt sense. It’s a feedback loop.

Hey, everyone, welcome back to illuminated mind. This is your podcast for exploring some of the deeper ideas about what it means to be human in today’s complex world. I’m your host, Corey Benschop. And I really appreciate you tuning in today. So I’m really excited to introduce today’s episode because I had the opportunity to interview Danny Fox, who’s the chief operating officer of the Institute of interpersonal hypnotherapy. She’s also a lead instructor, she happened to be my instructor, as well as the North Carolina location director. And so Danny is just an amazing woman, she has so much incredible experience, and has really seen and done so much in her life. And honestly, we are all honored to have her on the show. I really hope you enjoy this interview, I’m going to be asking her some questions revolving around the idea of happiness, you know, what is happiness? What does it take to be happy in life? And how can we start to change our perception of certain things that we see and we deal with to actually become more happy in just our daily experience. And so that’s what this interview is kind of wrapped around. But we talked about a lot of different things. So I really just want you to kind of sit back, enjoy this one. It’s a little bit longer, but a really, really fun interview. And again, you know, Danny, if you’re listening, I just want to say thank you so much. Actually, at the time of this recording, I am now graduated, I am officially a certified clinical hypnotherapist, and thank you to you for all of your amazing training and leadership and guidance through this program. It really has been one of the most rewarding things that I’ve ever done in my life. And so I really, really appreciate you and thank you for coming on the show. For everyone listening. This interview was actually recorded about a month ago. So prior to my graduation, so a little bit back and forth in the timeline here, but I just wanted to share this one with you. I really hope you enjoy it. So sit back and enjoy the interview. Hey, Danny. Hi, good morning. How are you? I’m good. Thank you. How are you? Thanks for having me today. No, thank you. I appreciate you coming on. This is. I’m excited. I’m super excited to talk to you today. So my pleasure. I’m excited to talk with you. Yeah, how was practicals? Last weekend? You taught this last weekend, right?

Yes, it was transpersonal. So it was graduating the students who had been who were his course of study was interrupted by COVID. And so they started last January, some of these students so they had waited a year and several months to finish. So it was awesome. And they did phenomenally you know, it’s a real testament to I think the teaching model being remote, that I’ve never given out so many 100 before ever. And thank you that I think the key is that you all can see me type and organize that content, like, like weed because

that’s really helpful. Yeah, well, that’s awesome. Yeah. People were taking tests, and doing the exams. And,

um, well, most everybody tested before they got to transpersonal, so that they could take the time to really understand the transpersonal model. And so actually everybody but one person had already tested when we showed up. And she’s testing today, actually this afternoon. So we actually devoted the whole time to past life regression and the things that can come up during past life regression. And talk a little bit about remote viewing. And we did some business practice discussions. So they asked questions about you know, how do I market for this? How do I do this? What do I do about this? And so it was good q&a in six completely different regressions, six completely different past life regressions. And they all handle them beautifully, which is I think, again, a testament to the to the content and their skill, to be able to be so flexible and just pull things out of their bag when they need it. Like I can use this here. I could use this here. So

yeah, no, that that’s super cool. So are they so people are actually regressing to past life in the practice like in the practicals there Yeah, you know, um,

you know, what is the past life? Really, you know, what is it really so whether it’s metaphor, or whether it’s the way the brain just organizes content, whether there’s something legitimate and real happening there is is it a concurrent lies is the past slide, we can dig into all those models. When you get down to it, the nuts and the bolts of it are a parts work session in different costumes, and different stages in different periods of time. And so when we’re looking for, you know, how to leverage the highest resourced part of the client, and who needs the pep talk, who’s got the limiting belief, we’ve just got three characters, for lack of a better word instead of two, and a part succession. So we might have the soul that can see the forward and backward motion of the Ark of the experience, we’ve got current day expression of client who has the present day experience, and we have the past life expression of clients who are looking backwards to make make sense of experience. And so if you treat it like that, and divorce yourself from the story, it really doesn’t matter whether it was a past life or not. It’s finding who’s got the limiting belief, repairing it where you need to who needs the Epiphany, who needs the pep talk, and it resolves, and you don’t have to care either way or side, either way of whether or not a past life is a real thing that challenges with past lives is that once you ring that bell, that something in my current experience could be attributed to a past life, then we can never really reel that back in, it’s very easy to say, I’m not going to look at my childhood to unpack the content from my childhood, because it was a past life. So it’s almost

like a scapegoat, in a way, right?

almost almost. Yeah. And as a healing modality, I don’t do much of it. I don’t offer much of it until I’ve exhausted all other modalities multiple times. I only really go there. If they go spontaneously, they asked to go there. And I have exhausted every other method. But I typically don’t have to go there much.

But it’s useful tool.

Yeah, well, that’s cool. I mean, see, one thing I was kind of wondering, like, as I’m approaching that is if, you know, basically, like memory of things that you’ve seen, not necessarily that you’ve experienced, but like if like a movie, for instance, could influence these different ideas, you know, or a book or something like that, you know, because obviously, we are exposed to these ideas in many different ways. Not necessarily through our own experience. Is that ever, like effect, kind of what people come up with and that situation?

Absolutely, absolutely. Because the mind is full of confabulation. It’s part fact it’s part fantasy. It’s part the things you experience, and what you conclude about them and the things you experience and don’t conclude about them, it’s the things that don’t happen to you that could happen to you that your mind fills in the gap with, there was a fantastic study about the mind, filling in the gaps of the data, but also retrofitting the past with data from the present day. And I think the last time we got together, I went down on my piano, and I played you the C major chord, and then I add the sound. And I said this is the past the C major chord. When I add the seven, this is the present, it changes the whole quality of the experience. And so when things happen in our present experience, it goes in retrofits that content. And the study I was going to tell you about actually had to do with 911 were they fallen people after 911 for many years and had them recount what happened. And what they found is that their their stories of what happened in 911, what they were doing, what they knew have changed based on what they heard in the media. And so details that were not present at the time, they recounted the story, the first time were present the fourth and fifth time because they actually retrofitted it with content about, you know, the hijackers and the news and things they saw those images were now embedded in that template.

That’s interesting.

The same thing can happen for a past life if you’ve seen something that was a story about it or you absorbed some piece of data that the mind has to make sense of it might create a chasm for that in a in a past life context to work it out and integrate it in the in the mind wants to integrate everything it’s taking in. So it would it would create whatever context it could make sense of it.

Right? Yeah. Okay. Well, that’s interesting. I mean, I know I’ve I’ve heard about that like once with, like, if you’re in an accident, a lot of times they want to get your, you know, like recount of the accident right away because if you do it months later or something like that, it becomes less credible. You know if it ever has to go to court or you know, insurance, that type of thing. So that makes sense.

Yeah, for sure. Although it’s not the best time to get the full count of data. Because when you’re in a stress state, you get that tunnel vision. And so you’ll miss important details. And you’ll only pull together what the mind says is necessary to prevent this from ever happening again. So you’ll get the highlights of the of the experience, not the full scope of it.

Okay. Well, if you would, I’d like to know a little bit more about you, Danny, I mean, really, how how you became the hypnotherapist that you are today, as well, as you know, everything else that you’re doing, I mean, just give me the skinny of it.

Okay, I’ll give you the skinny, I’ll do my best to give you the skinny. So this work saved my life. Hands down, it saved my life, I was on a crash course with a really dysfunctional behavior called bulimia. Before you create any judgment in your in your listeners current new judgment about what Believe me, it is not I hate my body is not I have low self esteem. It was something that had a label for a behavior that I was using to shift my state. And to feel better safe and satisfied, those things will just put into quotes, because they’re not functional, but they do make you feel normal. So I found this work, because I was exhausting all of the allopathic medical models for healing in this department, including psychotherapy, medication, rehab, a three night stint on the sidebar. Now, all of these things that were intended to resolve the issue, which just creates stress and suppression of the issue. So it really was never looking at the behavior. And so I looked into this work, and I found some therapists who did something similar. And when we were done, as if you’re ever really done with the course of study, but when we were done, she looked at me, she said, Danny, you should become a hypnotherapist, and I said, You know, I felt like the shift I’d had almost made it, I was compelled to help other people, I felt like I had responsibility to help other people, because I had some unique perspective of this from the inside. And it’s compulsive overeating. That’s a very, it’s a difficult thing we all struggle with, because food is a comfort in so many capacities for everybody. So I think everyone has shades of it. But compulsive self soothing, is really what that is, and what device you use, what vehicle you use to do that is gonna vary, but it’s all the same mechanism. So um, you know, I found this work. And for sessions, I was a completely different person, I said, Ah, there’s something to this. And so when I figured out, you know, I was actually good at it, and it became my life’s mission to do it. And then obviously, as you know, as an instructor, my life’s mission is to teach people how to do it better, faster. So that’s what I do now. It’s certainly not what I wanted to be when I was a little, I wanted to be a solid gold dancer. But that didn’t quite work out. So I thought I made my way into entertainment and spent some time at Disney and the Kennedy Center and producing very large scale productions, with a lot of people and a lot of moving parts and a wonderful career in entertainment, and have an MBA in entertainment management, arts, entertainment management. And I’ll tell you what, though, it’s all just hypnosis in a different domain, for a different body of people for different purpose. And so we’re always working that skill, and I’m always working on that skill, but but for healing and transformative and reconciling capacity, not as a as a stage show or anything like that. So that’s how I found myself to where I am. I mean, if you were to pull back and look at the trajectory of my life, I was always headed here. But I didn’t know that in the moments where I was in pain, or where I was confused. But I’m so glad that I was on this trajectory, because I’m so grateful to be able to do this work and give back to people and give them the skills to do it. For others. It’s a huge mosaic mosaic of intertwined lives that are being healed one soul at a time, one session at a time.

Yeah, that’s, that’s really amazing. And it’s interesting how, you know, like you said, like, the problem kind of brought you to this new sort of profession, because it sounds like you were very much in a professional environment for a long time beforehand, never considered, you know, that you would be doing this at any point in time. But it was actually the pain that, you know, transforming that pain that you had brought you to this realization that oh, this is this is how I can help people and how I should be moving forward. And I mean, you said also like changing your state, right, like the Lamia actually was just a means of changing your state, which is super relevant to you know, what I want to talk today about which is happiness, right? And this idea that we’re always trying to become a happier version of ourselves, but we do it in ways that aren’t functional, right? We typically try to do something to change our current state to, you know, become something that we’re not Right now however, we’re not really addressing the underlying issue. And and I guess, like, I’d like to know, I mean, like, how how does one move forward from being like stuck in this cycle of whatever it is that they’re dealing with, whether it’s Bill emia, or, you know, not eating, right, there’s, there’s the opposite side of it, where you force yourself to not eat or, you know, any of the other myriad of, you know, activities that we do to kind of keep ourselves busy, even being in a professional environment super focused on work all the time, right? It’s like, it seems like it’s always a distraction from what’s really the main issue, the main, the main cause of the problem, like, how do we start to open up to that to what’s going on inside, you know, and I guess we’re just gonna dive deep right here in the beginning, like, I love it,

I’m going to bend your concept here of what is happy, because happy is subjective. And happy to the subconscious mind may be just what is safe, and normal and comfortable. And we’ll put all of that in quotes as well, because it’s not functional. And to some people would not even be considered safe, or normal or comfortable. It’s just what the subconscious has packaged as a vibe called Safe, normal and comfortable. And happy is a part of that package. And so everybody has a different metric for what that is and what that feels like. So what is happy is unique to everyone. And it’s really just a data point on a wave of states that we traverse over the normal. You know, there’s a normal landscape of our day. And sometimes we’re in states that feel uncomfortable. And sometimes they’re in states that feel comfort plus, meaning it’s above the midline. And so anything that brings us above the midline, which from the Zen concept of non striving state, or the end that’s often referred to in mindfulness, as well as that, that middle line between states, it’s the non striving state where you’re safe and satisfied, some might say that that is happy. And some might say they need to be in those higher states of being to actually use that vocabulary word connect to their bodies felt sense, to define what that happiness is. So it’s really going to be subjective. And in some cases, happy can just mean, I live in this range of expected states of being that are slightly uncomfortable and slightly more comfortable and slightly uncomfortable and slightly uncomfortable. And maybe even just riding that midline of safe and satisfied. So, you know, what is happiness is? Again, it’s going to be subjective. for everybody. It’s going to be situational. It’s going to be context driven. And based on what, what are my needs? And are those needs being met? So, you know, is again, is there one single data point that exists for everybody? Probably not, it really depends on the context of where you’re chasing that happiness? And what’s the peak state that you can achieve in that context? And are you okay with that, in that context?

Yeah, as far as I know, it’s kind of bent that a little bit. Sorry, no, it’s good. And it makes me think, too, because I’ve definitely been at times where it’s like, I like to think that I’m happy. And when you talk about this, you know, this idea of Zen and, and sort of that non desiring, right, like the being satisfied, while not having the desire for anything more. At one point, I would say that I thought I was happy in that moment, but then I realized that, but I’ve given up all of my drive, you know, and it’s like, I’ve lost my desire to want to create anything and to want to be creative and fulfill on, you know, my God given ability to actually manifest the things that we can in this life, you know, and so it’s like, it shifted, it changed for me at one point, you know, when I was diving into spirituality, and sort of meditation and this idea of, you know, not always wanting, like coming from a place of lack. Like, I was like, Okay, this is what I need, you know, this is I need to get to a point where I don’t need anything else, right? And then I can be content. But then once I got there, I was like, well, this is cool. And all but you know, Matthew talks about this, you know, the lead instructor for our school. He mentions, like, in his training, that when he lived at a Buddhist monastery or something, you know, they said, We have enough stone Buddhas around, right? Like, we need, we need people that can go out and actually change the world with these ideas. And it’s that I found myself in that place as well. And so I guess, you know, part of that question is also like, people will argue that they are happy, right? Like, I’ll say that I am happy today, even though I have all these destructive behaviors, right? And in one breath, I can say, Oh, I’m happy and I’m content and I like my life. But in the other breath, I’m calm. I’m constantly complaining about the way the day is going the way people are treating me Oh, so and so said this. So I mean, I understand that happiness is subjective, I get that. But, you know, for people that just aren’t, like, they aren’t feeling it, like how do they? How do they start to get there? I mean, what do we need to change within ourselves or within our perspective in order to start feeling that happiness? Right, for sure. What a great question. So there’s a concept to be aware of called the hedonic adaptation, which is where when you achieve a certain amount, or a certain state of being, or,

or achieve that data point of that wave of states, the brain says, Oh, it’s this, I like being here. And even if you’ll find yourself in a Ok, state above, the midline, satisfied, your brain says, but I could be there. And that creates a sense of discomfort, which then you might complain about, which then could be, you know, interpreted as I’m not happy because the the mind is here at the midline, and it knows it could be there. And it characterizes that as lack of happiness only because it’s had this experience it wants to get back there. It’s adapted to where it is now wants to get over here. So experiences this gap is pain. And so I think the the answer to the question is to practice happy practice being present in the moment and characterizing and connecting to your body, adding the vocabulary plus the implicit experience, plus the body’s felt sense to practice happy. And this is so relevant, because Renee Brandt is one of my best friends, if not my best friend, I love her to death. And she was working on a book many years ago, called How big is your button, it’s a wonderful book, I totally recommend it. It comes from these concepts. And she and I were conceiving of a concept or a tagline for that book. And together, we were working on it during your presentation. And astray. You don’t want to just be happy, you want to practice happy. And of course, she grew that into her tagline in her in her book, and it’s a big part of her brand. But that captures the essence of what we need to do to be happy is to practice being in this moment, calling it happy, anchoring in that felt sense, as happy defining it. So and in every context that it appears.

Yeah, I love that practice happy. And that makes so much sense. Because it’s not anything that you you know, you achieve. And then you’re done. Right. It’s like you’re saying it’s always something that you’re having to practice. And you mentioned present moment awareness, which for me is really been the unlock, like, once I learned really what that meant. And I started to internalize that, and I started practicing coming back to the present moment, like, that truly set me free. And it allowed me to get over some of my own. You know, I guess we could say just ego egoic issues, right with life. And with, you know, I could say, Oh, this isn’t fair. And I don’t like the way so and so is doing something, but really coming back to right now. Right? The past doesn’t exist anymore, and the future has yet to happen. So none of it matters, right? The only thing that matters is exactly right now in this moment, and can I be happy right now? Like, of course, I’m happy talking to you having this conversation. And this is all that matters, everything that was going on this morning, you know, whatever it may have been or may not have been is irrelevant, because right now is what’s going on. And I think I think that’s it’s elusive, though, right, this present moment awareness. Like it’s, before I knew what it was and actually experienced that, I guess. I mean, we’re always experiencing and we’re just not aware, like, like, so how do we wake up to that awareness? Like, what’s I don’t know, what’s your advice on that for somebody who is like, yeah, I want I want to figure that out? Sure. I love it.

What a fantastic question. So it is the moment where perception is observed by the cells by the senses. And perception is going to come in sorry to get a little technical for you to the HPA axis of the brain. And all that really means is the where the limbic system meets the sensory motor system where it says take action. So it’s really being aware. And the first clue to being in the present moment is comes when you observe that you are not in the present moment. And your body will be the indicator of that and the metric of that you’ll have some kind of felt sense, not a feeling, not an emotional word. It’s a sensation in the body that will communicate, I moved away, that sensation is very viable. It communicates the subconscious either move away from this or towards this. And when you’re moving towards something else, you’re by definition, moving away from something else. So it’s being present with your body, and really listening to what it’s saying to in the moment. If you’re truly safe and satisfied. In this moment, the body will be at peace, it will be at rest. If it’s not in, you’re leaning towards a behavior to take action to either move away or towards something, the body will engage the felt sense to help you take the behavior. And to create another felt sense. It’s a feedback loop. So it’s really being present with what your body’s doing, and intimately aware of the noises and the expressions and the vocabulary it’s using. And asking yourself, why am I not okay? In this moment, with out this movement, towards or away or towards something, it’s really being present, and bringing yourself back to safe and satisfied. And then you’ll find that you’ll move again, it might be a lien, it might be a feeling in your body, it might be a thought and image, an idea that will start to move you away from the present moment. And you’re like, why am I not? Okay, bring it right back to this moment. It’s much like training a dog to stay on the sidewalk, you see it stray, and you come right back to the present moment. But unless there’s some observation of why I’m not okay, in this moment, without it, you’ll continue this pattern of trying to bring the dog back, it’s got to look at what am I moving away from and what I’m moving towards. And that dive is really facilitated that exploration is really facilitated by this work. Because until we kind of clear that subconscious motivation that works quicker and faster than we do in the conscious state to train this puppy. That, that training is going to override our ability to stay present in the moment, because it’s trying to quote unquote, save our life. So it’s one thing to train to be in the present moment, it’s another thing to clear the old programming that causes you to move away from the present moment. Okay, time is very valuable.

Yeah. So, so I love that. So like, for some, why is it so hard, then? Like, I mean, I understand that it’s programming, right. And that a lot of times, it’s sort of unconscious action that we’re taking. But, you know, for others, I mean, I know, for people that I’ve sort of expressed what I’m learning and what I’m developing, you know, through my training, it’s almost like they would prefer to stay with the noise, they would prefer to focus on, you know, this the the constant, whatever, that, you know, the noise, right. So why is it so hard?

Right? For sure. So, the, the subconscious mind is conditioned to hold on to the noise because it’s safer than not. Every behavior is the safest, we’ll put that in quotes behavior we have in any given moment, or else it wouldn’t be around, it’s the best behavior we have. So for some reason, the subconscious mind looks at the two options, it says which one will keep me safer, quicker, faster. And it ops for what has been reinforced what’s been used most often, and what has solved the problem as quick as possible. And so it’s going to go back and lasso that content and keep you focused on that content, if it’s being reinforced, and it’s useful. And so, you know, to that end, clearing that content is, is a part of what will help people create that shift clearing that why. But this is, this is just interesting, safer than doing everything else. If you look at everyone’s behavior in any given moment, everything they do is the best behavior they have or wouldn’t be there. It’s the safest behavior. So something about the subconscious is it’s safer to keep me in that zone than it is to move me over here. And that’s where you have to, again, put safety in quotes. It’s not safe, it’s not functional, but it’s quote unquote, normal. So we’re not, we’re not doing anything other than chasing normal here, and normal is defined by our childhood. You know, in this story of working with the bulimia, I came to the realization and created some models to help explain this to people that the bully, Mia was a placeholder for my stepmom. She, if you were to look at the vibe of the behavior, and what the beliefs and the ways of being in the felt sense in the implicit experiences, it kept alive in my body, and you were to look at her. It’s a one to one. So for lack of her in my experience, I had this behavior that satisfied the vibe of the normal that she was in my life, believe me is one of the meanest things you can do to your body. And I used to say that about my stepmom, I thought she was very mean I have much compassion for her now, and I’ve reconciled quite a bit with her. But that’s what we’re chasing is that that normal vibe, but normal isn’t functional. So ignore is just what you know. And so it is hard for people because they aren’t Awake, awake and aware to that normal that they’re chasing You know, that when you fall into their normal and everything good, it will feel like. But it’s not because it’s right for you, because there’s some subconscious recognition that this is safe, which is comfortable and normal.

Right? So you just, you just said something, which it’s not, that’s what’s right for you. Right. And so this is this is like it’s been in my head, I try to refrain from the judgment, because I understand, you know, like, judgment gets us nowhere, technically. But when it’s something is right or wrong, it’s based on your goal, right? What is your goal and this the action that you’re taking, or the thing that you’re doing? Is it getting you closer or taking away from whatever that goal is, and that would make it either right or wrong, and that in that regard, and so this idea of like chasing normal, it makes total sense, especially, you know, when you frame it around normal is what was created during childhood. And, and again, I understand these concepts, but you know, I’m coming from this, like, I’m completely ignorant, right, to just get the explanation. So if our goal is to be happy, right, our goal is to enjoy our life more. And obviously, these dysfunctional behaviors that we’re doing these actions that we’re taking are, they’re wrong in that regard, because they’re not getting us closer to this idea of happy yet. It’s what we feel is normal. And that’s why we keep holding on to it so dearly. Because that’s, that’s what was established, right, during our development. And, you know, what, like, why is this always the case? I mean, it seems to be that, like, everybody’s issue is really the same. It’s what the child, how did you tell him screw you up. And I wrote about this in my book, you know, it’s like, I don’t care how good you think your childhood was like, your parents fucked you up, and they didn’t matter. No matter how much they loved you and how much they care for you. They did something, right, just because you were a kid, and you didn’t understand. But I’d love to get your explanation like, Why? Why is this normal created during childhood? And why does it sort of haunt us if you will, throughout the rest of our life?

Sure. Great, great answer. Yeah. And I have much compassion for my parents after having been a parent now for 22 years. Yeah, I have all the things I said I’d never do. I did God lover, but we have a good relationship. So we will, we’re going to mess them up one way or the other. So here’s a quick and dirty overview of what’s going on with the adolescent, mind it, children are cause and effect. And so they grow up in a world, the brain grows up in a world between zero and seven, where they observe, and they start to make relationships between themselves and their environment. However, they are very ego centric, they’re very self centered by definition, if you just think about this, from a physical anthropology point of view, which I’m sorry, I have to speak to, because that’s my undergrad degree. And I’m very interested in evolutionary psychology, and biology, which is, children would not have survived if they were wiser than their parents. That’s the bottom line. So you have to look at the evolution of our species. And I’m not necessarily talking monkeys to human I’m talking humans to humans and observe. Why would the, the neoteny of our childhood, which is those that childish features, childish way of being why would that persist for so long, it’s because somewhere the subconscious observed, if you had a wise child, it would be eaten or killed or kicked out of the tribe, and we would not have a perpetuation of the species. And so what you see fast forward in history, many, many, many, many 1000s of years, is this, I’m going to sit and observe and look at what is the safest quote, thing for me to do in the context of these relationships, and then my environment so that I’m not eaten, or killed or kicked out of my tribe. So the kids are very self centered, self reflective, when I do this, this happens when I do this, this doesn’t happen. When I don’t do this, this happens. When I don’t do this, this doesn’t happen and take all of that. And now blow it up across the many relationships in many contexts we have, they’re constantly observing. On top of that, they’re going to inter relate observations when I do this, this happens over here, and this happens over here. And now these two things get wired. So they’re constantly sitting in a in an array of all of this experience, and they’re observing which things make the people in their environment, the happiest, and which things allow them to get their needs met. And so if you were to overlay the development of the child, brain and the psyche, with Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, what you’d start to see is that they’re trying to meet a hierarchy of needs, from the most basic safety, food, water, shelter all those things, if physical safety for the body, and then they’re going to work their way up. But in the first two and three levels of that experience, they’re just working on surviving, not getting eaten, killed or kicked out. So those, those years are very formative and the mind perceives them, like the lower blocks in the Jenga game. And once experiences and beliefs and conclusions and strategies for keeping yourself quote unquote, safe, normal and comfortable, are built upon a foundation, it becomes harder to pull that foundation out. So as to become a new way, you almost have to take it down block by block. And the example I like to use with this with students is this, once you create a foundation for Santa Claus, sorry to say this, this, this experience that no one ever sees, but he’s talked about a lot in the in the media, but pays off once a year,

kids built the Easter Bunny, and the tooth fairy, they’ve got a foundation for this experience, and in many cases can build a foundation for God. Because of this experience, even if Jesus and Santa aren’t even related. It’s something I can’t see everybody talks about shared it is a strength, and I’m gonna believe in that. So it becomes this foundation. So after about seven, if you try to pull that foundation out, think tell my kid about Santa Claus, it’s hard, it is painful, because all of this other stuff is built on top of it is difficult to pull out. However, if you tell a child about Santa Claus, at about four, before they’ve started to create these foundations of if then else, you know, when this happens do this, or the story of me as it’s often referred to, they will have a very different experience with all of the concepts associated with and built upon Santa Claus. So the all this is to say, the subconscious holds on to that foundation, like the foundation of a house, you can knock down the walls, you could take out the plumbing, you can change the windows and the doors, but you’re not getting the foundation without some serious effort. So as they move forward in life, they take all of that content with them, and try to define their future experiences their present and future experiences in terms of that, because it’s safer than doing anything else. The mind does not like to be blindsided by new concepts. So it takes the current concept, and it shoves it so far down the perception ladder. So that new data is meeting existing data really early on and experience and only after the new data is ruled out and to be unique to existing content. Will the brain say Hmm, I don’t know what this is, I’m gonna have to make a new category for this data. So this is the relationship that wants the new the existing content to meet the new content. So it’s not blindsided because it’s safer than doing anything else. years and years and years and years and years of doing that. create this problem. We are acting on Adult situations with child ego state content and frames and templates.

Yeah, that’s, that’s fascinating. I mean, so really, like, we’re all just believing in Santa Claus forever. And we don’t want to give up that that belief system. Correct. Because so much is it’s not it’s not serving us, right? It’s clearly not serving us as adults, right? We, you know, we go through life, and a lot of people, unfortunately, are miserable, and they just can’t figure out why. But this is why because it’s it’s an old belief system that was created a long time ago. So it’s not that you’re wrong for doing it that way. But okay, so now that we’re aware, like, and and it’s still very difficult to start taking down that that foundation, right, deconstructing the Jenga tower? Is it denial? I mean, how do we like, how do we start moving through that without, you know, you know, because yeah, once you learn something and choose not to accept it, even though you know, it’s real, then then you’re just you’re just shooting yourself in the foot. So how do we start moving down that path? For sure, for sure,

the first thing is to wake up to the awareness that this is a real thing. We unfortunately live in a culture where we’ve been, it’s been suggested that we put on our big kid pants and just suck it up and just do it. That doesn’t create change, what you have to do is you have to create an enormous amount of motivation to move towards a new goal, because it has to offset the enormous amount of energy your subconscious is using to keep you away from that goal. And so the, what we do in this culture, unfortunately, we try to talk you into it, we try to motivate you into it. And that’s still not going to remove this. Remove this limitation that’s rooted very deeply. And so the first step to waking up to it is observing that there’s this conscious mind, which is about 10% of your operating system and everything else is being run by this little part of you. And that’s contrary to our, our popular culture that wants to just, you know, get over it and not be weak and not be, you know, boo hooing and not be seeing a counselor and, and, and not, you know, opening yourself up to that capacity not blaming, that’s a big thing that some people don’t want to look at this stuff because they perceive it’s about blaming my past, it’s really not about blaming anyone, it’s about ringing the authentic emotion that is stuck in your body that’s holding on to experience for the purpose of using it as a filter for present day experience. So that’s not about blame. It’s about authentic screaming at your tiger, not blaming the tiger, it’s screaming at your tiger. And so when people can wake up to that, and they find themselves, they find themselves their way to this work, because they realize none of the other models really work for them. But talk about it all you want, it’s not going to change that foundation, observe it all you want, not going to change that, that foundation, dance around in a room get really excited and say that stuff doesn’t matter, I can get over it is not going to change that it’s there any more than that would change what you do, when you go to a red light, or green light, that content is implicit. It’s deeply embedded, you don’t know where you learned it, but they got it’s there because it’s saving your life. So from the same capacity, there’s no amount of motivation, you could get going on in there that will change that content, you have to go back and look at it. And there has to be a release of a stigma, to go back and look at it. And there has to be the release of the stigma of this tool, being the thing that can go help you look at that. I teach this content to physician’s assistants, and they’re floored when they hear that this is what’s really going on underneath the diagnosis is that they’re being presented with acupuncture students when they see that root cause has a totally different concept in this work. But it makes sense. Everybody comes through the door. And we talked about this eight makes sense. But the stigma associated with this tool is probably the biggest thing that is doing the most damage to more people leaning towards it. They’re scared. They think it’s you know, voodoo magic, Mickey o’clock, aka chicken, oh, good lord, the movie get out, just did incredible damage of its own. But also doctors, psychologists, counselors who are misinformed don’t support this. And hate to say it doesn’t make anybody money, our jobs to engineer people out of jobs. So that I think is the biggest challenge. It’s the exist accessible to people and and they’re afraid they just don’t know it exists and that it’s effective.

Well, that that definitely leads me to one question that I do want to ask you about. But first, I really just want to appreciate, you know, that you really did just give everyone permission to be vulnerable. Right? And and it’s, that’s what we need, we need to like you said break down that stigma that it’s, you know, it makes us weak, or that we are just putting blame on something instead of taking responsibility. And just getting over it sucking it up. And like you say, putting on our big kid pants and just getting over it. But no, like we do have to be vulnerable, we have to be able to see, you know, our pain and accept it and move through it in order to get past it. Right. And so I appreciate that. You know, I just want to honor that, that everyone listening and myself as well, I’m taking this to heart that we have permission to be vulnerable and to open up to the things that are not, you know, the things that we necessarily want to look at, but we know are there some somewhere in the back of our mind. And that’s what’s keeping us going what we’re doing. And that really is the path to freedom, right is to go through that dark door. And so, so I appreciate that. But I do want to ask this question, which you know, you kind of brought up like what is some of the biggest misconceptions or myths around you know, what you do and what I’m, you know, trying to get into myself as well this whole idea of hypnotherapy and using hypnosis and therapy together to get to these root causes, like, what are some of the biggest myths out there? So

the biggest thank you for asking that because it’s such a great opportunity to clear up some misconceptions misperceptions. The biggest is that it’s mind control and then I’m going to get you to do something you don’t want to do and that’s just a fallacy. You know, this is about pacing people from where they are to where they want to be in micro agreements. You know, Milton Erickson would say that you can’t just make someone do anything you have to collect this mindset of yeses to in order to get them to agree wholeheartedly to create a change because this is a value shift in the deepest part of the subconscious mind. And you can’t just play sleight of hand with that. So it’s a it’s getting people from where they are to where they want to be in these little micro agreements in their mind where it’s almost like their idea, we all know that you make something, someone’s idea and they make a change like that, right? It’s the same thing. So the biggest misconception is that it is mind control, or that I can make you do something that you don’t want to do. The truth is, is that if you like me, and we have rapport, and you trust me, I will, I will invite the subconscious mind to take those baby steps with me. And at any point that you decide you want, don’t want to take that step, you say no, and you don’t go. So it is not mind control, and is not brainwashing bright brainwashing uses negative leverage. If you don’t do this, I will cause or create this pain, hypnosis. And if it therapy has come this way with me, yeah, that feels good. And come this way. And then we might use that state to bring up some uncomfortable things. But it’s never to create any kind of power. In this work, I’ll tell you Cory, the best advice I have is that you are not a teacher, you are not a counselor, you hold space for people to find and listen to their own teacher and their own inner counselor. And that’s what we do it with this set of micro agreements. So that’s the biggest misconception.

I love that. Yeah, no. And any other I mean, I just wanted to say like, real quick, you know, you mentioning, for me, that is something that is difficult is I know, my ego wants to be the teacher wants to be the leader, right. And I want to, and this is an old, old version of me, I want to come in and sort of motivate you to, you know, be better, right to do the things that you want to do. But I know now, and I’m learning that that’s not the most effective way, it really is to just get out of the way and like you said, just hold the space. But it’s important to have the training, you know, it’s so it’s just every day, I’m learning more and more as I go through the training, that it’s so important to have that, that foundation and the education in order to to know what tools to use, and to know what techniques to use. And, you know, depending on what somebody’s feeding me, like, I can help you by using a certain technique. And without that technique, like all I have is my, my desire or my you know, like I want the best for you. But if I don’t have the right tool, then I can’t really help you. So I appreciate that. And again, it’s my ego that wants to be the one saying do this, do this, you know, this is how you do it. Let me show you that. That’s not that’s not what works. But yeah, so I 100% agree. And I understand and believe that this absolutely is not mind control. And so what are some of the other myths because there are a lot around hypnosis. And I really, I want to take this opportunity to to kind of dispel some of that because I think I just the more I learned about it, the more I’m like, this absolutely has to be something that people know about, like this literally will change the world. And it’s been around, you know, forever, right? Since like the 1800s. And even probably Before that, we just didn’t know what it was called.

It’s been so suppressed, it’s been seems like it’s like they know the power. And I say that right? Whoever they is to you. They know the power and they don’t want you to know. So what else is there? Like? Why are there so many myths? What are some of the other ones? For sure, absolutely. Well, I would love to share this with you. But I want to capture something that you just said and not let it go. And notice this actually a history that gnosis actually looks like history of sleep, because people have been aware of and using the sleep state as a healing state for 1000s of years. They just weren’t calling it hypnosis, the ancient Egyptians, the Sumerians, you know, in Mesopotamia, they they don’t have these elaborate rituals that were there to guide people to a chamber where they would sleep. Now what’s being happening, what’s happening there, we’re engaging the parasympathetic nervous system to rest and digest. And when people go to sleep, they break their state, they change their state, and they wake up with a new way of seeing the world. Now, I don’t know where that became so threatening. Well, I do know where that became so threatening, because as you move forward into, you know, more modern times, you know, move beyond the Oracle of Delphi where they were sitting on top of noxious fumes, waiting for a message to come from an Oracle that would have some profound meaning. I mean, that when influence people that’s when we started to see it start to morph into this tool that had power and influence. And then you move into obviously the 1800s when you’re with mesmer and he became a very threatening figure to the politicians. You know, Marie Antoinette loved him. Her husband, King Louie did not right and engaged people to come And debunk him as it were. And this idea is the seedling of an idea. We can’t say that he was right about everything. But what he had was rapport. And he had technique, he built my imagination up. And he did it effectively, which is often attributed to the, the spiritual and the more religious realm, by your own faith in this you are healed, which is what he demonstrated to a great degree. But that’s a very powerful thing for people thinking for themselves in a very threatening thing for the religious. And I could go on and on about the history of that, but you can look up this on the web. But so to that end, what one of the biggest myths and misconceptions is that it’s not safe? It’s dangerous somehow. What’s dangerous is when you engage a practitioner who doesn’t have training, that’s what’s dangerous. because anybody can do this work. We’re doing it all day long. To the gentlemen who are listening on save you have ever been in love. You’ve been in hypnosis, how else did you ignore all those red flags. And ladies, the same thing, you’ve been in an altered state where your emotions lead the way that is everyday hypnosis, you get lost in a movie lost in a book or driving on the freeway. Right? You missed your exit. So the misconception that this is dangerous, it’s not dangerous. However, it is a tool that is not used by a well trained individual could unzipped someone who is all of a sudden now exposed it at face with this content that’s been there forever. And the practitioner doesn’t know how to put it back in, in a more developed, well structured way, a reconstructed way. That’s dangerous. And I would just say any tool is dangerous if not used properly. For example, if I have a fork and I eat a steak, I’m pretty safe. If I run with that fork, I’m not safe. I’ve done something unsafe with a tool. It’s the same idea here. So training, as you mentioned, is very, very important. Anybody can put a shingle out there and say, I’m a hypnotist on it and a therapist. But the unique thing that we do, and I have to plug the school here, this is why I’m the CEO of the school is not because it’s a job. It’s not why I’m, you know, a lead instructor. It’s not why I’m a director of my own location. It’s not why I’m a practitioner. But because this work is specifically as Matthew has created is an elegant infusion and integration of some models that are about deconstructing where you are to reconstruct where you are. And you skimmed off the best of the best of these techniques, by industry leaders. I know because I’m trained by them. And I can see exactly what he’s done. And it’s beautiful, and it’s elegant, and it saves lives. I get choked up when I say that, because it’s saved mine, for sure.

So this idea that it is dangerous. It’s not, but do your homework, do your research, find a practitioner, who understands the law for one thing and understands what they can work on in the scope of the law, that’s very important, what they should be working with you on and shouldn’t be working with you on? And what skills do they have. Because this is all about repackaging emotions, bringing them to the surface, looking at them, and then healing these layers that are exposed, changing these filters and moving you forward into a new reality. It takes a lot of skill, and I guarantee you it takes you more than a 40 hour a weekend. Course,

yeah, I love that Danny and honestly, I, I feel exactly the same way when I found, you know, Matthew and the teaching, I just instantly resonated with it. And I could see that his intention is pure, you know, and that he really is, is really trying to help trying to help people heal and transform. And I mean, already just in, in my training and my experience with you, I’ve definitely had some completely life altering, you know, transformations take place, as you know, and it’s just, it’s so amazing. And it’s fascinating how quickly, we can change our lives for the better using these types of modalities. And one thing I wanted to touch on is, you know, there’s this idea of it being dangerous, like, you’re right, like it can be dangerous when used the wrong way or by the wrong person. Because, you know, people left open like you said, like, you unzip somebody and you expose all of their, you know, crap, if you will, like if you don’t know how to reorganize that and put it back in, you’re going to screw them up even more, you know. And the other thing too, is, while we’re not controlling anyone’s mind or anything like that, you certainly can lead some One in the wrong direction. And you can put ideas into somebody’s head that aren’t necessarily true. Like we were talking about with the past life regression, right? Like we confabulate ideas. And if somebody urges you or suggest something that may not be true, like, you know, sexual abuse, for instance, you know, it’s easy to suggest to somebody that Well, did this come from sexual abuse? And while they maybe never would never in their life, have they ever been abused sexually, now they’re starting to think, well, maybe I was, you know, and that can be very dangerous, right? Because that can lead to a whole nother slew of problems that come up out of nowhere, and beliefs that aren’t necessarily true. And they’re founded on untruths, and these types of ideas. So, I agree that, you know, for anybody that’s interested in hypnotherapy, by all means, you really must do your research before you just go, hiring somebody and talking to them. But anybody that goes through this particular school, I think, is probably a pretty safe bet, you know? Yeah, I love that. Well, I’d like to, I’d like to ask you a little bit more of a personal question. So yeah, I mean, this has been really, really educational. For me, I mean, some of these things I know, but you are just such a wealth of knowledge. And again, I really appreciate you, you know, sharing and coming on and giving such valuable advice. And just just, you know, you’re sharing yourself. That’s, it’s beautiful. I really appreciate.

Thank you for giving me the opportunity I, I would share in a larger audience, except for I don’t have the time. So thank you for, for helping me achieve that. So I’m grateful for whoever this touches. So thank you.

Thank you. So I’d like to know, you know, what is something that you have like on your bucket list, something that you’ve never done? But you absolutely want to do before? You know, you cross over, if you will? Oh, gosh,

that’s a great idea. That’s a great question. Does it have to be related to my field?

No, no, no, this is because this again, is about you know, stepping into our truth, right, reigniting our life and becoming happy. So I just want to know, you know, yeah, what’s something that you personally want to do?

There’s two things, and one is completely ridiculous, but I’m gonna share it anyway. I mean, not ridiculous. But uh, so I want to reenact that moment, when Maria is at the top of the mountain in Austria, singing, the hills are alive with the sound of music, I want to talk about what I think about when I think happy, it’s my arms spread out open wide, and I dancing in the circle and all that beautiful Majesty is around me. And I’m just singing and I think quite well, but I don’t care because nobody’s gonna hear me. So I’m just up on that hill twirling in circles, and singing. That’s what I want. So, so incredibly, for my 50th birthday, this year, I was gonna go to Austria. And unfortunately, you know, we’re close. They’re close to us. And I was grateful that my family brought Austria to me, they they made a nice little birthday, for me that included goats and strudel and music and the sound of music. ukulele book. Anyway, long story short, I really want to do that. Because they know how much I love that. And I want to be over there. I can’t remember I was going with that thought. But anyway, that’s a big part of what I’d like maybe

for 51 or 50,

maybe for 51. But the other thing I’d like to do is I and I’m, and I didn’t intend to talk with you about this, um, you know, I don’t, this isn’t a book plug or anything, because by no means is it done. But I did write a children’s story. And I’m so blessed to have the ability to just sit and open myself up and let content drop in. And the children a beautiful story dropped in fully baked, I’m so grateful for it. It’s with an illustrator right now. And so I’d love to see that come to fruition, because my target is getting at parents and children to introduce this. The course in miracle causes the holy instant, where you are, you have perception and it’s clean and aware. And it’s this moment of present moment awareness, I would love to see more parents introduce that to their child, you can teach it from the very, very early stages of life the brain grows, how it’s used. So if this is cultivated from a very young age, I would love to see it it’s called helped me find my calm and it is about teaching children to have that present moment and feel within get that felt sense connection and have a new thought a new way of being so I’d love to see that finally come to life.

Yeah, no, that’s amazing. And such a such a powerful thing that you’re doing because that for sure, like that’s, I mean, everything we’re talking about. That’s where it starts right and I totally agree. There’s things not being taught to us, our children that should be absolutely should be taught And should be introduced at a much younger age. And it could, it will not could it will it’s not a matter of if it’s when right it will change our trajectory as humanity and where we’re going with this whole, this whole thing. So well, that’s, that’s amazing. And you know, again, just thank you so much for having this conversation with me and being on the show. And I guess, two questions for you before we before we jump off, but one is, you know, if you could go back in time, strap yourself in a time machine and go back to your formative years, let’s say when you were a teenager or something like that, what’s one piece of advice you give yourself? Oh, gosh,

this is such a great question. I asked myself this the other day, and I struggle with change nothing, because I have my beautiful daughter, and I am who I am today. And I’m giving what I’m giving, because of every pain that I went through. I’m so grateful for every single pain, and every single struggle, because I am where I am today because of it. At the same time, if I could go back and do anything, I’d say, forgive everybody, and forgive yourself. And I would give her that advice. And I’d impress upon her the value of it. Because I would have suffered a lot less. But again, I get that’s the conundrum of time, right? We’re grateful for the experiences, but forgive everybody and start start that early. No one is to blame the biggest offender of your pain is the pain you inflict upon yourself by not forgiving. So that’s what I do.

Yeah, that’s beautiful. And you know, not to it’s it’s really that question is not so that you can go back and change your past. Right. But it’s so that we can change people’s future. You know, because that’s that’s the truth. And forgiveness is is absolutely where it all starts. So I love that it’s such good advice. And and then my last question is if you could be in my shoes right now, what’s one question that I should have asked you that I didn’t? Um, why do I want to be on your podcast? Yeah, there you go.

Why would I want to be on your show because I believe in you moment I met you I said, this guy’s special. He’s got a special voice is going to reach people in an important way. And he’s worth my investing in as a student and as a professional. And I’m grateful for all that you’re doing. Because not everybody can do what you do. Not everybody can has the time, but not everybody has the voice or the skills. So I’m here because I want to see you grow and soar. And I’m grateful that you have provided this outlet for me and for the many other people that you will read interview to get their voice heard by in through yours. So I’m grateful. Thank you.

Thank you. I really appreciate that.

My pleasure. You know, people that was so good. I think people might think we scripted that but that was that was so not scripted. It’s it’s genuine genuine love and adoration. I promise you.

I appreciate that. Yeah, very much. And it may go into the future questions for others. But that’s cool. So I mean, for anybody listening that really wants to get in touch with you, Danny and learn more about what you’re doing like where can they find you? You know, what’s, what do you got going online?

Thank you very much for that. They can find me at Danny Fox comm da ni Fox, like the animals calm or hypnosis anywhere.com. That’s another good one. And obviously getting find me as a part of the school, the Institute of interpersonal hypnotherapy. And that’s a little bit much to just just google it this a little bit much to do the URL there for that. And I’m the online instructor. I teach fire four starts a year. So it’s something folks are interested in. And I’d love to have you join me online.

Well, I got to say to, you know, I thought your name was maybe something that you chose at some point because you have like the coolest name in the world.

Oh, thank you.

That’s one thing I’ve been wanting to tell you like, such a cool name.

Thank you very much. I have my ex husband, my daughter’s father to thank for that. I love this. He and I are fantastic friends, but I loved his last name. I’m like not letting this go.

Yeah. Cool. Well, thank you again, so much for coming on the show. Really appreciate you. And good luck. Good luck with everything that you do. Thank you. Thank you. I appreciate you. I’ll see you soon in class. All right. Well, there you have it. That was my interview with Danny Fox. truly an incredible and amazing woman, so much life experience so much knowledge and wisdom to share. I really enjoyed doing this interview. And Danny, thank you again for coming on the show. Just what an honor what a blessing. So that’s it everybody. I hope you enjoyed this one. We’ll catch you in the next one. So if you’re interested in learning more about hypnotherapy or possibly becoming a hypnotherapist, then head over to our website, www dot Institute of hypnotherapy Comm. We’ve got a lot of free resources there that you can check out and Just things that you can dive into, as well as, actually you can get involved in the next certification course if you’re interested, you get the first four hours for free. So go ahead and sign up over there on our website. So I appreciate you being here. Remember, choose happiness, my friends, and I’ll catch you on the next one.